By Nadeem F.
25th March, 2012
The weather in Karachi
changed rather suddenly last week when instead of getting warmer, it actually
reversed and became chilly. Of course, as usual the weather experts had all
those typical explanations to offer, sighting high pressure there that generated
dust and cold winds here and all that.
But the truth lies
somewhere else. It was HAARP! The United States’ High Frequency Active Auroral
Research Program – an ionospheric research programme jointly funded by the US
Air Force, the Navy, the University of Alaska, the Defense Advanced Research
Projects Agency and the Kilingon High Command.
Yes, the same
programme that caused the 2005 Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, the 2011
Japanese earthquake and the 2011 Imran Khan tsunami.
Before you dismiss me
as being some conspiracy nut job, consider this: It was people like me who were
the first to suggest that there were Blackwater agents roaming in Pakistan,
that the Americans were using drones in Waziristan and that the earth was
actually flat and hollow.
People laughed at
people like me but not all people but only people serving the interests of
people trying to break up Pakistan and its people and turn them all from being
true keepers of the faith and patriotism to becoming liberal scum, so you see,
people, what kind of people I am talking about, even though you are not that
kind of people, are you, people?
Now also consider
this: I have on purpose used the word people over and over again in the
preceding paragraph. Count the times I used this word. Nine times. Now divide 9
with 777 and then multiply the resultant number with 365 and you’ll get the
figure of 666. If you didn’t get this number then you are liberal scum. If you
did, then welcome to reality. And that is: Lucifer is in control of the United
I’m sure some of you
must be squirming and itching to ridicule me, but remember it was I who first
suggested that the CIA was using fake polio vaccination campaigns in FATA to
gather intelligence in the area, that Husain Haqqani was working against the
interest of Pakistan and that man never walked on the moon. It was an elaborate
It is a conspiracy to
label men like me as conspiracy nuts because the powers that be want to hide
the truth from the masses, a truth, rather truths, that can expose the large,
all encompassing conspiracies that the powers that be are conspiring to
implement for world domination through so-called elected governments, the media
and nano genetic implants in our heads that are mixed into our branded mineral
water by the powers that be through multinational corporations, secular
political parties, NGOs and the leading cast of Hamsafar.
And did I mention all
this was being done by the powers that be? I did. Thrice. Now multiply 3 by 5
then divide by 2; multiply the resultant number with 6, divide it by 9 and add
77. You’ll get 666 again. Make sure you use a Halal pencil while doing the
adding and multiplying, or if you’re using a calculator, make sure it’s a local
brand and not a Zionist one.
Because then the
calculator is likely to blow in your face and the powers that be will blame the
explosion on the Taliban who really do not exist but when they do they are
actually a non-Muslim race of Reptilian people working for the CIA, RAW, Mossad
and Nana Patekar to balkanise Pakistan and sell all of (true) Muslim population
as slaves to the makers of a certain fruit juice residing on the island of
Atlantis that does not exist in the Atlantic Ocean but somewhere in the Arabian
Sea. I know this because I can speak and understand Arabic fluently.
In fact, all
Pakistanis should be able to understand and speak Arabic fluently. It is a
conspiracy by the powers that be who are bosses of the powers that be that I
was talking about earlier that instead of Arabic, Pakistanis were made to learn
to speak regional languages, such as Sindhi, Balochi, Pashto and Saraiki.
These languages were
taught to us by Hindu baniyas and tyrants who ruled over us before Muhammad bin
Qasim came to our rescue on 14th August 711 AD and created the Islamic Arabic
Emirates of Bakistan.
Now look what the
liberal scum want to do. They want to rearrange our history textbooks and fill
them up with lies like Qasim Shaheed was not the first Pakistani and that Imran
Khan is not a tsunami. People like me have struggled hard to fight the
conspiracies of the liberal scum present in some sections of the Pakistani
But thanks to support
and backing of gallant and pious institutions like Fauji Fertiliser and Fauji
Cornflakes, and renowned scholars and profound intellectuals like doctor (both
medical as well as academic), engineer (both Chinese as well as Islamic) and
all round hunk, Zaid Hamid, Hakeem Ali Azmat and Austin Powers, the people of
Pakistan are waking up to the deep conspiracies being hatched by the powers
that be and the Powerpuff Girls to discredit Pakistan’s armed forces and make
Switzerland’s Israeli Francophile Vatican-backed banking system to continue
funding local Freemasons like Asif Zardari and Nawaz Sharif and make decent
Muslim Pakistani women pose nude on the covers of Anglo-Indian-Angelo-Mathews
fashion magazines with ‘Pasha Baby’ tattooed on their arms.
Think about it. What
more proof do you need? Now, coming back to the changing weather conditions in
Karachi and HAARP…
Nadeem F. Paracha is a journalist, cultural critic and
Source: The Dawn, Karachi